The Search

Over a pint of Guinness, with the Scissor Sisters playing in the background (Yes, I know…I’m waiting for the jokes…), I sat with my dear friend Noopur last night at the new East Village bar, Queen Vic.  I plucked away at her mind as to where this blog should go (she’s better at direction and focus than moi).  I don’t want it to be an online diary entry.  No one cares to the inner workings of my mind as I brush my teeth and dance to MIKA’s “We Are Golden” as a wake-me-up in the morning.  But, I can offer some perspective.  On what? I’m not quite sure yet.  So bare with me while I find a specific direction.  I think I’m heading towards a blog that maps my personal spiritual journey through Manhattan.  Let’s face it, I’ve always been searching.  I have no idea what I’ve been searching for, but I once spent a deep, dark, fall listening to Stacie Orrico’s “There’s Gotta Be More to Life” on repeat, and I’m not afraid to admit it.  If I had the financial means, and perhaps the courage, I’d for sure be Eat-Pray-Loving-it across the world.  That does not seem to be an option in my immediate future.  I do have faith that this city offers just as many doorways towards an enlightened perspective as a trip around the world.  Don’t get me wrong, a trip like that sounds delightful, and I intend on making that journey one day.  As for now, I’m going to trek across Manhattan and find the hole-in-the-wall gurus, as well as some of the more known.   In yoga class Saturday morning, the teacher mentioned how teachers come in all shapes and sizes.  The people who rattle our sense of self and can push our buttons where they need to be pushed can be anyone, and can jump out from unexpected places.  So I’m going to go out, and get my buttons pushed.

As an actress and writer, it’s easy to get lost in the vision of goals.  But what happens if I meet those goals tomorrow? Game over?  Life’s a continuous process and I often need that reminder.  Instead of seeing the grass greener, and the distant lands of Bali the answer to all my prayers, I’m going to try to find whatever peace I’m looking for right here, in one of the busiest and chaotic cities.

I communicated this all to Noopur and mentioned the fear of expressing myself (as if the masses were about to flock and read my blog), and she so kindly gave me this pat of encouragement: “When you do something like this, you have to just take your balls and throw them against the wall – just balls, straight on the wall.  Who cares what anyone else thinks?”  So thank you dear friend.  I hope to gain your fearless attitude via Osmosis.  Expect a lot of hugs.

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