Goodbyes and Parting Self

I was sad yesterday and stumbled into an east village flower shop asking for “something that will open me up to a little more joy, a little less heartache.”  I’m sure I managed to quote some 80s ballad that bubbled to my conscious mind at the moment.

The sweet man geared me towards a Money Tree and Bamboo.  I bought both.  He asked if I was having a bad day and before I could control it, I was crying to the flower man.  He said, “Cry.  Acknowledge the feelings, be in the emotion, let it pass and then move forward.  Sadness arrives with the memory of something, something that happened in the past, whether it be years ago or a mere few minutes ago.  Allow the emotions to surface so they can pass and don’t burden you in the future, weighing you down and keeping you from moving forward.  These plants might remind you of this and then you can find joy, but they themselves wont grant joy, that lies somewhere within YOU.”  What lovely insight for such a chance interaction.

I sulked around a few hours before having to go to improvisation class.  Within twenty minutes of class, I was laughing again.  It was our groups last class (it’s been two months, 8 classes) and our final graduation show is this Saturday.  Our teacher was desperately trying to get us ready for our performance.  “DON’T deny what your scene partner gives you.  Don’t deny, ignore, resist what’s presented.  It’s a gift loaded with information, run with THAT.  Doesn’t work in life, doesn’t work in improv.”

A classmate came over to me after class and we decided to grab a quick bite to eat.  I hadn’t had the chance to get to know her through the course of the class sessions so it was nice sitting down and chatting outside of the classroom.  We jumped into an intimate conversation about our lives and personal struggles, and we landed on the topic of relationships.  We were talking about how different people bring out the best in us, or the worst and Sarah said, “Maybe it’s so sad saying goodbye to someone because it’s like saying goodbye to a part of ourselves.  I mean, we will never be the same person with another person.  All relationships bring out different sides of self, so when we say goodbye, it’s like saying goodbye to myself with that person.”  I had never really thought of it like that, but damn, that seems about right!

My college roommate and I were a little more than friends.  When we said goodbye I knew our friendship wasn’t going to be as close or intense as we went separate ways.  Now it’s close to non-existent.  She’s pretty much a stranger.  Saying goodbye sucked, and I miss her lots.  I knew I’d never again experience whatever side of myself she brought out, and I was definitely parting with that side of myself and whatever THAT was.

6 months after college ended, I had my charts read and I asked the intuitive reader who my college roommate was in a past life.  He looked up and then chuckled.  “That must have been interesting.  You were married.  She was your husband.  She accused you of witchcraft and you were hung.”  Hey, might be a load of bullshit, but sounded just about right.  I immediately called Katie and said, “We were married in a past life, and I was HUNG.”  Her response, “Oh, like you had a big penis?”  “No Katie, I was hung, as in rope around my neck, because you accused me of witchcraft.  And just for the record, you were the dude in that past life.”

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