“Inhale, exhale 2. Inhale, exhale 3. Inhale, exhale 4. Inhale, exhale 3.” “What? No! INHALE, EXHALE 5!” I thought, holding bow pose reluctantly for just an extra beat.
At yoga, the teacher toyed with us just a little, and chuckled when we realized his counting mistake was not a mistake at all. “Numbers are dangerous. They set up expectations and keep you from living in the present.”
I was talking with my teacher Will yesterday and he brought up the idea of ‘time.’ “Don’t get lost in Time.” He was talking about thinking I should be ‘this successful by then,’ ‘married with children by then’ (which I don’t even know if I want yet!) etc. It’s that same idea of numbers and expectations. I struggle with this, but somewhere in my psyche it registers and rears it’s head when I hear the word “aspiring” put in front of writer and/or actress. “Oh, you are an aspiring writer are ya? Aspiring actress?” “Well, no. I write NOW. And I act, NOW. But I am an aspiring Buddha.” That usually ends the conversation.
That aspiring usually means a level of success their alluding to, which is determined by a certain dollar sign and NUMBERS. But let’s say I’m making bank one day in the movie business, does that I mean I’m no longer aspiring?
“Don’t look so much into time. Sure, have goals. But enjoy the stuff along the way, because one day you’re going to fall asleep for good. You don’t want to fall asleep before you wake up!” (http://www.williamduprey.com)
This idea of having to accomplish something by a certain age is daunting, and it removes you from the present. Plus it’s one of those ‘stories’ we tell ourselves. It creates an anxious reality, when we could move about more freely in a very different reality if we put some conscious effort in creating it.
I watched a skate boarder board pass me this morning and thought, “I want to learn that.” Then immediately caught myself thinking, “I think I’m past an acceptable age to learn skate boarding.” I immediately decided I MUST learn. What’s an acceptable age!?! I vividly remember being in 6th grade climbing a tree and thinking, “I better soak this all in, because next year, when I’m in 7th grade, climbing trees wont be cool.” I’ll tell you something… I climbed a tree in central park this past summer.