Searching for X (another year…)

I realized it’s been a year since I started writing this blog.  Oct. 10th 2010 was the first entry.  I remember standing at work, writing the entry.  I was working in a restaurant, so I was definitely not supposed to be online, let alone “blogging.”  “Costume Hunting,” was the name of the entry.  Here I am, a year later, and it’s that time of year again.

Ironically, I left that restaurant 6 months ago, and now find myself back there once a week.  In some ways, nothing has changed.

In other ways, it feels like a lifetime ago.

I hit “submit” with an overwhelming sense of fear.  “Find your voice,” “TRUST your voice,” have been what people have told me the past few years.  I’ve heard it in acting class, yoga class, life, etc.  “Find your own way to express light,” was my favorite wording.  How do you illuminate truth? What does that even mean?  My preoccupation with these questions mirrors my preoccupation with the concept of “story” and the power in telling stories.  We’re all living a story with the power to learn its lesson and the power to re-write the twists and turns.

Life offers us countless challenges to purify the soul.  It’s a battle, learning how to face situations without jumping to an emotional response.  But those challenges are gifts, without which we’d never grow and evolve.

An acupuncturist once told me to look over my days, each night.  See the day and how it played out, and ask yourself, “Have I gotten closer to myself or further from myself, today?”

Here I am a year later, and it’s Halloween season.  The difference is, I’ve been spending the last few days looking for someone else’s costume (oh the joys of part time, personal assistant gigs).  I haven’t been thinking of my own potential costume, or any ways to mask myself.

I’ve put my “voice” out there a number of ways this past year through song, a number of projects, a web series, and all the ways in which life required me to speak.   I could only attempt to have the best intention behind all.

Perhaps, I’ve gotten a little closer to myself this past year?  It’s a constant trek up the mountain, but with each step we have the choice to get a little closer.

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